When to Negotiate.

The toughest part about a divorce with children is that you are forced to negotiate with your spouse on highly important and sensitive matters.  The standard practice of offer and counter offer creates its own set of problems as both sides feel like they are giving up too much and being taken advantage of.  Even though you no longer want to be with your spouse, you do want to be with your children.  Negotiation needs to start with finding out what is important to the other party and why its important.  Mediation often helps this problem out, but that is usually after litigation positions have been taken.  It is best to try and negotiate with a lawyer present who does not represent either party, but represents the process.  This should be done prior to filing divorce papers and positions are taken.   

What does winning a divorce mean?

Can you really win a divorce?  This all depends on your definition of "winning".  On financial matters and the division of personal property there can definitely be victories if those are your only issues.  If there are children, however, those victories can lose the war if one spouse become bitter over losing personal items or paying more money.  This bitterness can creep into how the parents deal with each other post-divorce and their attitudes in front of the children.  Thus, you can win the battle but lose the war.  Of course, you must stand up for what you want and believe you are entitled to.  That goes without saying.  It is when you fail to compromise at all and positions become hardened and litigious that the whole process could be a colossal failure for your children.  You simply got to find the right balance while protecting your rights.

Leaving it all behind

We do leave it all behind when we go.  That is why we should be careful to consider what we leave behind and how it may influence family relationships.  To make sure that your heirs do not feel slighted, you should sit down and have an honest conversation with why your estate plan is the way it is.  Obviously, this takes courage and planning, but it will work to your family's benefit in the long run.

Divorce Battles and Wars

Divorce law is interesting because you really have two aspects to consider.  The first is the immediate needs of your client and the various battles that arise in domestic litigation.  The second is the long term relationship that the parties often have when they have young children.  A good divorce attorney needs to recognize and implement these two aspects to make any divorce work for the children.  

The Pen is Mightier Than the Word

We have all heard the phrase he said/she said.  In the legal world, that means the Judge will be left with the discretion as to what party the Court will side with.  This can often be frustrating to parties as they know what the other party said and agreed upon, but cannot prove it in the legal sense.  If you have a verbal agreement, it is helpful to write a follow-up e-mail or text to the other party summarizing the agreement.  This creates a running record of what was said and agreed upon.

When its Time to Fight

Family law can turn ugly with one misspoken word or an insensitive comment.  What do you do when communication breaks down and settlement talks are getting you nowhere?  The simple answer is that it is time to fight!!  

Why am I cynical?

Yesterday, I spent the morning doing a child custody evaluation settlement conference.  I was shocked at how often I thought the the evaluator's suggestions would never work.  Child custody issues often seem to be based on power and a "screw the other" mentality.  So when the evaluator would express confidence that the parties could work something out, I was thinking if they could work it out we would not be here right now.  I understand the need to trust the other and to hope that everyone will act properly, but it seems that control and power seem to trump this need.  It would seem that it is in the child's best interest to not give control or power to either parent.  Maybe that is why there is a movement towards favoring joint custody.  This would then weaken power and control and force the parties to deal with each on parenting issues.  Parenting coordinators would also be helpful to keep the parents focused on parenting and not reliving their disputes.   What to you think?