Communicate in Writing

When you go to court, a "he said she said" argument is always a roll of the dice.  Always communicate in writing.  If there is a conversation, put the contents in writing after the fact and send it to your ex-spouse.  Even if they later disagree with the contents of the writing, you will be able to point out what your understanding was at the time of the writing.  That is better evidence than "he said she said."

Preparing Yourself

If you have not yet, it is time to get a living will.  Don't leave the tough decisions to a loved one who may regret making a decision the rest of their lives.  Make sure your directives are clear and understood when it comes to your health care.

When to Negotiate.

The toughest part about a divorce with children is that you are forced to negotiate with your spouse on highly important and sensitive matters.  The standard practice of offer and counter offer creates its own set of problems as both sides feel like they are giving up too much and being taken advantage of.  Even though you no longer want to be with your spouse, you do want to be with your children.  Negotiation needs to start with finding out what is important to the other party and why its important.  Mediation often helps this problem out, but that is usually after litigation positions have been taken.  It is best to try and negotiate with a lawyer present who does not represent either party, but represents the process.  This should be done prior to filing divorce papers and positions are taken.   

What does winning a divorce mean?

Can you really win a divorce?  This all depends on your definition of "winning".  On financial matters and the division of personal property there can definitely be victories if those are your only issues.  If there are children, however, those victories can lose the war if one spouse become bitter over losing personal items or paying more money.  This bitterness can creep into how the parents deal with each other post-divorce and their attitudes in front of the children.  Thus, you can win the battle but lose the war.  Of course, you must stand up for what you want and believe you are entitled to.  That goes without saying.  It is when you fail to compromise at all and positions become hardened and litigious that the whole process could be a colossal failure for your children.  You simply got to find the right balance while protecting your rights.