How to Divoce -- Negotiations

How to Divorce – Negotiating a Settlement

             Your approach to your divorce should be simple -- always try to act so as to not make a bad situation worse.  However, that does not mean that you should not stick to your position when it is fair and equitable and the other party is acting like a bully.  So much of a personal relationship deals with power – who has it and who controls it.  When negotiations come from equal power, a deal usually gets made.  Power comes from knowledge and an honest assessment of you position.   There is a body of studies that show that a negotiated agreement between the parties serves both parties best.  A negotiated agreement allows the parties to personalize and fine tune the issues between themselves in a way that courts are often unable to do.  The judge will never be able to understand the parties the way they understand each other and their situations. It is always more prudent to work out a settlement if possible.

            The first step is to gather information and understand the issues.  You never want to negotiate without good information.  This information includes all financial records such as income, tax returns, bank accounts, retirement accounts, stock accounts, credit card statements, mortgage statements, etc.  These are all documents you would typically get in divorce litigation.  You always want to start by determining the assets.  This creates power.

            After you have gathered the information, it must be applied to the issues at hand.  Is this case about child support?  Is it about alimony? Is it about custody?  Maybe it is about all of these issues.  I always find it helpful when attending mediation to sit down and go over every possible issue to determine what is important and what the information says about the issue.  

            Finally, you will want to determine what points you are willing to move from your ideal issue.  Keep in mind that it can be better to pay more child support or offer more money than to pay your attorney the same amount.   Generally, there is less legal expense involved in negotiating a settlement than in trying the case in court.  This is the carrot that can motivate you towards negotiating from a place of conciliation rather than emotion.